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meanwhile in texas tortoise looseJeremy, a thirty-year-old tortoise with a cult following, was reported missing by his owners in Waller—who noted that he was wearing an Apple AirTag that was in “lost mode”—and was found the following day. A woman sued a McAllen Mexican restaurant that she says sold her a to-go bag of frijoles that split open, spilling the hot beans and burning her lower abdomen. Former Dance Moms star Abby Lee Miller posted a viral TikTok video in which she posed as a hostess at a San Antonio Cracker Barrel, calling it her “dream job.” The promise of a six-pack of beer and $100 helped persuade eleven residents of Parker County, west of Fort Worth, to assist in freeing a six-month-old pig, Pojo, from acres of thorny…

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lionfish critterLatin name: Pterois volitansSize:  Twelve to fifteen inches longTexas Habitat: The Gulf CoastAs the majestic lionfish glides through the ocean, its eighteen spines ripple like silk scarves in a breeze. This flashiest of fishes, with its eye-catching brown or reddish and white stripes, trolls the Gulf as a top predator, just as its namesake big cat rules the savanna. Its gorgeous fins fan out around its body the way a mane frames a lion’s face. The sea creature’s beauty belies its brutality: get too close, and the spines that appear soft and silky reveal themselves as deadly weapons, injecting venom that immobilizes prey and would-be predators and leaves humans writhing in pain. Lionfish also reproduce with shocking speed, releasing 30,000 eggs every three days. This is one…

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The world of precision dance is that of intense athleticism and passion, and Kilgore is the heart of it all. But as staff writer Katy Vine discovered, when things don’t go quite as expected, some parents take action into their own hands. For the full tale, read “The Positively True Adventures of the Kilgore Rangerette–Kidnapping Mom.”

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The ice rink at the Galleria, on March 30, 2024.I like to think I am a well-traveled Texan, but until a couple of months ago, I had never been to the Houston Galleria. My previous trips to the Bayou City had revolved around exploring its renowned museums, sampling its globe-spanning cuisines, and soaking up the serenity of its manicured parks. So when I set out on my inaugural visit to the state’s largest mall (and the country’s seventh-largest) this spring, I fully expected to lose my way in its labyrinthine abundance: four shiny-floored levels comprising 2.4 million square feet of shops, offices, restaurants, hotels, an ice rink, and a rooftop tennis club.What I did not expect was that I’d get lost existentially. The Galleria has something for every taste and every budget, but as…

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texas-excess-globes-Jake-Moore-Omniterrum-featuredThe collection104 globes.The rarest itemAn eighteenth-century pocket globe in its original sharkskin case—in its day, a status symbol for those who could afford “a fairly useless thing.”The tiniest artifactAn Earth the size of a gumball that would have dangled from a nineteenth-century pocket watch.The most unlikely location of discoveryIn a bin of basketballs at Goodwill.The collectors“We’re all weirdos, just different levels of weirdo.”Almost every night, as part of his wind-down routine, antiques dealer Jake Moore lies in bed in Central Austin staring at his phone. But he isn’t checking Instagram or Reddit—he’s scrolling through eBay, hunting old globes. On a recent spring evening, as Moore weeded through hundreds of auction listings, his heart began to race. There, on his screen, was a twelve-inch Rand McNally globe,…

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Crowds packed the inaugural Winston Cup race at Texas Motor Speedway in April 1997.After multiple do-overs of the final two laps—known as “overtime” in NASCAR verbiage, allowing for a normal finish in the event of a late-race caution flag—fan favorite Chase Elliott thrilled much of the Texas Motor Speedway crowd on Sunday, ending a winless streak that dated all the way back to October 2022.With that, the major-league racing season at one of the state’s largest spectator sports facilities ended before Tax Day for the first time in the track’s 27-year history. The season in question lasted all of one weekend.“There’s nobody happy about it,” said Dewayne Lisenbe of the Fort Worth track’s abbreviated season. Lisenbe, who made the trip from his home in Killeen, about 170 miles south of the speedway, told Texas Monthly he’s been coming…

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texanist frito pie may 2024Q:  When I introduced my English husband to Frito pie, I was surprised to find him less than enthused. Could you explain the origins of this ingenious meal, and why Texans find it so tasty?Mary Lowry, AustinA: Ah, the Frito pie, a.k.a. the Frito chili pie, the chili Frito pie, the walking taco, the taco in a bag, the Frito boat, and the Texas straw hat. Whatever you call it, a bag of Fritos corn chips topped with a ladleful of spicy chili, a fistful of grated yellow cheese, a sprinkling of chopped onion and sliced or diced jalapeño, and sometimes even a dollop of sour cream is a dish near and dear to the Texanist’s timeworn old ticker.Though we know that the Frito chip…

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A new marker remembering enslaved people who were brought to Texas by sea, or who perished along the journey, is unveiled in Port Arthur on March 23, 2024.The ship sailed through Sabine Pass in Port Arthur, at the southeast tip of Texas, carrying a group of at least eight Black men, British subjects from Barbados who’d been granted freedom from slavery. It was April of 1836, around the time of other well-memorialized events in Texas. On board were at least eight Black men, British subjects from Barbados who’d been granted freedom from slavery. Among them were William Gunsil, Edward Hicks, Samuel Redman, April Sashly, Henry Small, William Thomas, Edward Whittaker, and an unnamed man. They came aboard a ship whose captain, John Taylor, had a scheme to sell them back into bondage.Taylor found interested buyers among some prominent early Texas settlers, including A.B. Hardin, a signer of the Texas Declaration of Independence, and…

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Daniel-Webster-Wallace-80-John-Texas-cowboy-featOne day in the late 1930s, Daniel Webster Wallace—“80 John,” as he was known in ranching circles—rode his favorite horse, Blondie, from his Mitchell County ranch to the Loraine post office. It was a familiar route for him in this mostly flat, sandy part of the state halfway between Midland and Abilene. He had made the six-mile round trip dozens of times. Wallace collected his mail then walked back to Blondie. In his time, 80 John had broken hundreds of broncs. His tougher-than-bull-hide body had never failed him. But on this day, he lacked the strength to swing his leg over the saddle. A group of men saw him struggling and hustled over to lift 80 John onto Blondie. Wallace was Black. The men who helped…

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delicate ribbed undersides of pale lavender mushrooms“This is where I saw the fairy ring,” said my mushroom guide, Angel Schatz. We paused in the deep shade of a nature trail improbably located a mile from a busy Central Texas highway. For a minute the two of us scanned the drifts of brown leaves, hoping for a flash of lavender that would signal the presence of a mushroom I had not heard of until a week before: the wood blewit. Like many fungi, it often grows in a natural ring that ancient European cultures attributed to fairies, pixies, or elves. The wood blewit is a comely and hardy fungus that grows worldwide, including in Texas. More importantly for my immediate purposes, it is a tasty fungus. We scuffed up a few leaves.…

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