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The photographer captured a younger Tom, age 29, with his head in his hands outside the World Trade Center after the second plane hit. Tom’s fiancé, Paige, age 25, worked for Morgan Stanley on the 60th floor of the South Tower, the second tower attacked. Paige had made it down to the 44th floor when the second plane hit floors 75-85.  When the tower fell, Tom still didn’t know that his fiancé had made it out.  Paige’s Uncle Todd wasn’t as lucky, and at age 42, he left behind a wife and three children.

Tom and Paige had met through a mutual friend as well as Tom’s x-girlfriend, who encouraged the couple to go on a date. Paige thought if you could be recommended by an x-girlfriend, you must be a pretty good guy.  Tom and Paige were drawn to each other, in part, because they both grew up having compassion for less fortunate siblings.  Tom’s brother, Todd, is autistic and Paige’s sister suffers from health issues. Tom and Paige talked for eight hours on their first date and they were engaged 10 months later. 

They each came from large families on the East coast and they knew they wanted to create the same.  Along came Tommy (now in 6th grade at Christ the King), James (in 3rd grade at Hyer Elementary), Jack (in Kindergarten at Hyer) and Todd (18 months), who was named after Paige’s Uncle who had passed.  Paige said she didn’t feel complete without their fourth child and tried fertility for two years to conceive Todd.  Simultaneously, her mother and sister became patients at Baylor for cancer treatment and she cared for them both as they stayed with her, coming back and forth from Florida.  “My family and I share the magic and tragic times, no matter what,” said Paige.  

As expected, the McInerney home is a boys haven, with a swimming pool, theatre and play room, a garage full of ride-on toys and a basketball mini court where many intense games throw down.

As we chatted about the neighborhood, baby Todd had removed his diaper and went pee on the deck outside.  “Well, that’s convenient”, said Paige, as it disappeared through the crack in the boards.  Tom talked about how great it’s been to raise the kids in their Colgate Avenue home. “We’ve had a lot of social gatherings in this house, from an engagement party, to family get-togethers and neighborhood kids coming over.  We average about six kids in the house at any time”, he said.

During one simulated WWE smack down, Jack’s collarbone broke while wrestling with brother, James.  The boys have been pretty injury-free though, running the neighborhood with their friends. One day, they worked up the courage to ring the doorbell of the Dallas Stars player who lived a few doors down. His wife answered and soon the hockey player appeared in the doorway with a big smile, saying the kids should play some street hockey with him sometime. The boys didn’t know what to do with their excitement, so turned to leave, speechless, and ran!

Tom said that a typical week involves some travel for him (he’s in private equity).  He always tries to re-engage quickly when he returns home, being a present husband and father for date night and kid activities. “I sign him up for assistant coaching positions,” Paige said, as she smiled. Tom is usually assistant coaching at least one of his son’s teams. He tries to be patient and fair, knowing it’s about the kids having fun.

The couple had moved into their home in January of 2011 and hired University Park resident and interior designer, Roz Murphy, to transform the house from a mustard tone to colorful pastels.  Roz dedicated one room to Paige, bringing in a pink couch that made the boys say “Whoa!”  

Soon, the family will move back to the East coast, to New Canaan, CT, where Tom was raised.  “We both have so much family there…that’s what takes us back”, said Paige.  “The boys will benefit from spending time with their grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles and we have many friends there, too,” she said.

Tom said, “I wouldn’t change a thing about our Park Cities experience. We’ll have great memories of gatherings around fire pits in driveways at Halloween and also of the neighborhood Christmas pageant and caroling.” Each year, the neighborhood kids grab ragged clothing from a bucket at neighbor, Debbie Smith’s, house and dress for parts in the pageant, which is an abbreviated (and somewhat humorous) adaptation of Christ’s birth.  The kids then go caroling, singing about two verses of each song (because they can’t remember the rest of the lyrics). 

“You can’t replace neighbors who send down a baggie of coffee grinds when you’ve run out or bring Starbucks and flowers when in vitro fails,” Paige said. “I’ve enjoyed these early motherhood years because of the families that I get it done with. ‘It takes a village’ has never been so true. We’ve always felt welcomed and supported here and are thankful for all of our Park Cities friends and neighbors. They’ll definitely be missed.”

Lynne Lowder is a guest contributor for BubbleLife and Realtor with Briggs Freeman Sotheby's International Realty. She is a Park Cities mom, with three children in HPISD. If you know of a Park Cities family interested in being our next featured family, please contact Lynne at 214-500-2866.

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Rodney and Jennifer Hinze, (pronounced Heinz, like the ketchup), are lucky to have met. As a 10-year-old, Rod accepted a dare from his brother (he’s one of nine siblings) and another friend, to hop on the back of a moving UPS truck and hold on.  Except, he couldn’t. He landed in the hospital for a week, in a coma. Having survived that experience, he grew up in Arizona, while Jen spent her youth in California. 

Rod was, and still is, an avid tennis player. Rod played and taught tennis in college and even made money stringing racquets for others (he still strings his racquets at home, today). He’s so good, that he’s currently ranked 4th in the State of Texas United States Tennis Association’s Men’s 30’s Singles (even though he’s currently 42 years old).   

Rod recalls being quite the ladies man and recounted how he met Jen. “It was love at first sight for me”, said Rod.  “We met at Brigham Young University in September 1998, in an auditorium-style classroom. The professor asked us to find a partner for that day’s project.  I found the prettiest girl in the room and jumped over two rows to get to her.”  Jen smiled and said “He was just there, in my face!”  They married seven months later, in April 1999. Both went on to receive their masters in accounting and landed jobs at Goldman Sachs. 

Now, Jen works full time for the Crystal Charity Ball organization and Rod runs a hedge fund.  Before and after work, the couple focuses on their four children, Savannah (12), Will (10), Lila (8) and Hazel (5), as well as their dog, Buster.  They’ve raised their children in two Park Cities homes, one on Hanover and the current one in the 4400 block of Stanford. They credit, in part, the Benac family as having made a big impact on them and their decision to move to the Park Cities.  Jen said “We think it’s a family-oriented community, the schools are great and we feel our investment in real estate here is safe”. The Hinzes know their neighbors and Jen shared that what makes their house so great is that “not only do you share front yards, but back yards, too. Our kids run to and from friends’ backyards, by way of the alley”.  The kids play on the front yard tree swing, the backyard trampoline and spend a lot of time in their swimming pool.  “We do like to go to the University Park community pool, as well”, said Jen, “and Savannah is an amazing diver”. 

Of course, there have been plenty of mishaps along the way, like the time Savannah jumped on the bunk bed, hit her head on the ceiling fan and required three staples (later, it was handy having the ER doctor, next door on Hanover, remove those staples).  Or, the time Lila almost lost a toe (Jen passed out).  And, remember that car that landed in the Hitzelberger water fountain (Lovers & Hillcrest)? That was Jen’s car that got hit and pushed into the fountain, (and, really, it wasn’t her fault).  Probably, one of the scariest moments, was when the family took a vacation and hopped across rocks to cross near a water fall. Will strayed too close to the edge, lost his footing and slipped, clinging to the rock’s edge, with rushing water and a 20-foot drop below him. Rod grabbed his son’s arm and pulled him up to safety. Will recalled, “my dad definitely saved my life”. 

Rod talked about a life-changing experience he received between the ages of 19-21, when he spent two years on a mission trip in Denver, Colorado.  He now is a mentor and advisor for Boy Scouts of America.  He's also President of the Young Men’s program (ages 12-18) at his church, where he facilitates career nights and service projects. The family’s faith plays an integral role in their lives. They read scripture and pray together every evening and make a point of having a family dinner around the dining room table every Sunday.  They are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

When asked how they keep their marriage healthy, the couple talked about their Saturday date nights, reading scripture together every day as a family, and sharing the load. “We’re really teammates, sharing the load financially, with housework and with the kids”, said Jen. The family regularly watches the t.v. show “This is us” together and they bond on skiing trips to Tahoe and time spent at their ranch property. Jen admits, “the only thing I might change is that we don’t have family here”.  The kids added that they would also change having to take piano lessons. 

The family loves their home, and the kids each have a favorite space. Savannah said it’s her bedroom, because of her book and art collection. She is a voracious reader of fantasy and historical fiction and works every Saturday at Zhen Music and Arts Institute, which helps her add to her collection of art. Will said his favorite place in the home is the garage, where he hits tennis balls. Lila would choose the yard, to practice her gymnastics and Hazel is happy in the playroom. 

“Would I have more children? Maybe!” Jen said. “I didn’t know if I could have children. We needed help with our first three and then Hazel came along on her own. I’ve learned how essential the early years are in raising children. We spend a lot of time making sure our children have a good education and a happy home, and do what we can to help them feel loved.”

Lynne Lowder is a guest contributor for BubbleLife and Realtor with Briggs Freeman Sotheby's International Realty. She is a Park Cities mom, with three children in HPISD. If you know of a Park Cities family interested in being our next featured family, please contact Lynne at 214-500-2866.

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A Park Cities friend recently asked me for advice on dating after divorce. I reflected on my divorce three years ago and all of the ups and downs of being single these past few years. There's a lot I wish I had done differently!

Here's some of the advice I would give someone who has finalized their divorce:

Start with the book "Love, Sex & Dating” by Andy Stanley. It advises that you begin with “becoming the right person so that you are ready when your “right person” comes along".

Then, put into practice what that book advises FOR AT LEAST ONE YEAR.

During that one year, read your next book: “The Stories We Tell Ourselves” written by Scott Gornto (whose counseling practice is in Plano, TX). It explains how we sabotage relationships by creating “stories” about others we have a relationship with….friends, loved ones and potential lovers.

After that, read “Not Your Mother’s Rules - The New Secrets of Dating” by Fein and Schneider. And for good measure, read “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt.

Finally, write down your "Deal Breaker List” for dating….and stick to it! What things about a significant other are a deal breaker for you? Smoking? Lying? Being late for picking you up for a date with no good reason?

Join a Meetup/networking group like singleinthebubble...a singles group for residents of the Park Cities and Preston Hollow (founded by yours truly).

Do all this BEFORE getting on Match.com or the Bumble dating app!

That’s a solid path for recovery and being prepared for your next relationship. Wishing you a healthy and happy journey!

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Park Cities and Preston Hollow single women...this is an article for us, written by expert Rori Raye, on how to find "Him".  Join me tonight, Wednesday, October 29th, at Hillstone, 8300 Preston Road, 5:30-6:30pm for a Happy Hour discussion on the subject!!

 

Are You Doing Any Of The Things On This List? If So, You May Be Pushing Him Away

 

Are you chasing after a man and don't even know it?

I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man drift away. Every single one of us women instinctively want to go run after a man, grab him and thrown him to the ground, rather than let him get away.

We know we're not supposed to be chasing after him, and yet it's so hard not to. In this new, modern era, we're all confused:

  • We all get the lines between friendship and romance blurred
  • We think being "friendly" is the same as showing interest in a man
  • We're taught to think that reaching out to a man is necessary
  • We're taught to think that if we act "casual" a man won't notice that we're actually chasing him

But, the truth is, we are.

If we're feeling just "friendly," if we really don't feel attracted to, or interested, in a man, then WHATEVER WE DO, our "vibe" will be just "friendly."

But, if we actually ARE attracted to a man, if we ARE interested in him in a romantic way, and then we try to ACT "friendly" - it's going to come off as fake.

It's going to come across to him as inauthentic. It's going to come across to him like chasing. And, it's going to make him feel all kinds of things, but none of those things will be what you want him to feel - attraction for you.

How Do You Know If You're Chasing?

Here are some things we may think of as "friendly," that are actually CHASING a man:

1. Calling Him Up

This includes:

  • Calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to or - anything at all
  • Calling him to ask him why he hasn't called you
  • Calling him to tell him you're upset that you haven't heard from him
  • Calling him to give him directions to your home or answering any question he hasn't specifically asked, or giving him any information he hasn't specifically asked for, or offering anything

This does NOT include:

You're having a problem or an emergency, and you can't reach a friend or a relative, and you've been dating him long enough that he's started "future-talking" about things he'd like to do with you and places he'd like to go with you, and you need his help.

Don't be afraid of appearing weak. If you need something - something of course that has nothing to do with the relationship - don't be afraid to ask. This is what being a girl is all about.

2. Initiating Other "Friendly" Contact

This includes:

  • E-mailing him
  • Texting him
  • Facebooking him
  • Writing him
  • Sending him a cute card
  • Dropping by his house
  • Dropping by his gym
  • Calling up his friend

...Or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.

3. Moving Things Forward

This includes:

  • Making suggestions, making plans and then inviting him to come and join you, offering to drive to him, offering to drive on the date, offering to put him up for the night on your couch, or in your bed...
  • Offering to cook for him, initiating sex, initiating affection (in any way other than smiling with an open heart and body), initiating the "talk" about "where the relationship is going," getting anything having to do with the relationship "started"...
  • Creating a "special occasion," sending him anything (pictures, mementos, ideas), thinking out loud to him about things you can do together, telling him about things you can do together, and creating things to do together...

...Or, in any way, acting like the social director of the relationship.

4. Asking Him How He "Feels"

This includes, especially, asking him how he feels about "you," or the "relationship."

These are things we do almost without even thinking about it. These are things that feel natural to us. It feels almost weird and unnatural to not do these things. It feels like we're not being "nice."

It feels like we're not being "friendly." It feels like we're going to lose him by not letting him know we're "interested" in him. It feels like we're just letting him slip through our fingers.

And Nothing Could Be Further From The Truth

Everything on the list above is the same as putting a sign on your chest that says "Needy." It smacks of desperation. And, it's just plain not attractive to him.

He may LIKE it. He may go along with it. He may be flattered. He may have no one else around and so he'll date you. He may even come to like you very much. You may even end up in a relationship with him.

But, you will never know how he really feels about you. As long as YOU'RE the one running the show, he may follow, but he'll never feel inspired. And, you will never feel adored. This is the point where you will find yourself up late at night crying and wondering why he doesn't want to commit to you.

How To Feel Adored...As You Should Be

The total, complete opposite of this is being a Modern Siren:

  • A Siren will lure a man to her without doing any of those things that so many of us think are so necessary to do
  • A Siren inspires a man to chase her because of how SHE feels about herself
  • A Siren not only knows how to magnetically attract a man to chase HER, but can LET a man chase her
  • A Siren knows how to receive what a man wants to give her - which is everything
  • A Siren expresses herself in words and with her body language so that a man can FEEL her down to his toes
  • A Siren is a woman who loves herself so much that she can turn even the parts of herself she may think are ugly and unpleasant and difficult and painful - into her most powerful assets
  • A Siren knows that what a man craves is EMOTION. Emotion that he can't find in himself. Emotion that will make him feel like a whole man. A man is used to what he thinks of as "drama" in a woman - and Emotion is something completely different than drama. Emotion is the missing piece for a man

Being in the presence of a woman who can feel her feelings - no matter what they are - makes a man feel both real and safe, all at the same time. It feels utterly magical to him.

Being a Siren is about luring a man. About allowing him to chase her without being "passive" or "powerless."

And being a Siren will make you the magical creature who can make a man whole.

The next time you're tempted to do any of those things I've listed in the "Chasing List" - and you're tempted to think of any of those things as something nice and friendly and womanly, and something that a man would like - don't do it.

You will begin to feel like a Siren - like the magical creature you are, just because you're a woman - when you start practicing just knowing that you have everything a man needs without having to do anything at all. You won't feel the need to "make something happen" with a man - the right man will make sure he lets you know how much he adores you.

Park Cities and Preston Hollow single women...this is an article for us, written by expert Rori Raye, on how to find "Him".  Join me tonight, Wednesday, October 29th, at Hillstone, 8300 Preston Road, 5:30-6:30pm for a Happy Hour discussion on the subject!!

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I have been a subscriber to several online dating sites for over a year and have learned a lot in the process. Match, Fitness Singles, Plenty of Fish and Tinder (the app you download on your phone that uses GPS to hone in on matches right around you).  On the positive side, the daily emails can be very flattering and boost your self esteem. Some of the people I have met are very kind and sincere in their search for love.  On the other hand, it can be overwhelming and people can get lost in the sheer numbers of it. I have personally had over 43,000 views on Match alone. I have been on dozens of first dates and just a few second dates. We always meet at a public location, like a Park Cities or Preston Hollow restaurant. I have had three short relationships from Match. And therein lies the problem. Distraction. One man I went on a date with recently enlightened me on the subject. He said I was distracted and dumped me because he knew my profile was still viewable on Match and I admitted that, yes, I had another date to go on. He explained that, although he understood and felt that was fair, he also thought that it didn't give him a good chance to have me learn about him and he about me.  He said I was juggling too much. He was right.

Every day, Match sends emails with a couple dozen people that might be good for you to meet. The bottom line is that it becomes a culture of "maybe there will be someone better in my inbox today".  You get sucked into always waiting for that better one to come along instead of focusing on the amazing person right in front of you. And that benefits Match, right? If they can keep you wondering about who else better might come along, then you stay subscribed and paying their membership fee.  In my case...over a year. The creator of Plenty of Fish writes that people want to feel that they have searched hard for their mate. Translation: lots and lots and lots of dates.

Although I'm not ready to give up my online matchmaking accounts just yet, I have started a singles group offline called Singleinthebubble Park Cities/Preston Hollow meetup group. Weekly, there are Happy Hour meetups at local hangouts for active and fit singles that live in Highland Park, University Park and Preston Hollow.  On Wednesday, October 22nd, from 5:30-6:30pm there is a singleinthebubble meetup at Al Biernat's from 5:30pm-6:30pm. Going forward, my new goal is to be mindful of not wanting to prolong my search by being distracted. I will focus much more carefully on the one person in front of me, getting to know them and figuring out if that person and I are a good fit for a long-term relationship before moving on to the next person. I hope I find him. Together, maybe we can have an "unsubscribe party" and side-by-side, remove ourselves from the online dating world!